The Things that are Saving our Spirit

Yes
by William Stafford

It could happen any time, tornado,
earthquake, Armageddon. It could happen.
or sunshine, love, salvation.
It could you know. That’s why we wake
and look out — no guarantees
in this life.
But for some bonuses, like morning,
like right now, like noon,
like evening.

There is struggle in most conversations I’m having with friends and family — ranging from boredom, when I talk to my 10-year-old sister, to deep concern when I talk to my friend whose family earns a living from their donut shop. In our own community of San Francisco Zen Center, the safety committee is diligently preparing the at-risk older residents by making new rules around communal living and creating quarantine apartments. Revenue sources that keep the non-profit operating are not possible right now — the urban temple’s programs are closed to the public; and, Green’s Restaurant, a big source of revenue generation, laid off all of their employees and closed their doors last Monday.

At home, we’ve created a new schedule to adjust to remote working without childcare — a steep learning curve, and yet, we are deeply fortunate to have flexible jobs, with me only working part-time, and with a kid who still takes long naps each day. While economically we will not fall apart during this time (depending on how long this “time” actually is), what I do feel most recently is a feeling of destabilizing, as the container around us— Zen Center — is not the same as it has been. The fears of my husband are easily contagious, as it has to do with the impact of elderly and at-risk friends in the community.

In our new schedule, I’ve added self-care in the early morning before my daughter wakes up — the first of a self-care routine I’ve dreamed up and am actually implementing since having her 2.5 years ago. This routine has been the ground that allows me to move intentionally in the day; versus being carried by concern when I do decide to sleep in and forego the morning ritual. The morning routine is meditating to be with what is happening internally, to light a candle and have a chat with my dad (who passed away 2 months ago), and do a little bit of writing, too, if there is time before Maya wakes up.

With playgrounds being closed, we have had to be creative with how to give Maya an opportunity to still play outside and social distance. We’ve re-discovered our shared apartment rooftop where Maya has fallen in love with watering all the plants. And then, in the afternoon, we’ve been driving to the beach. We’ve lived in SF for nearly a decade now, and we have spent more time at the beach this past week then we have in the past three years combined — it’s been part of our new schedule to go out and exercise and play by the water each day. As we drive home from the beach each afternoon, I feel a bit more renewed, in my body, and grateful.

And so, the rooftop and beach are saving our spirit right now. And, I’m pleasantly surprised by these everyday blessings that I have missed up until the pandemic… ❤